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"You can't fix yourself by breaking someone else."

Posted on 02 October 2019

When you hurt someone you care about, there are actually two victims. You not only hurt them but you also hurt yourself. The guilt and regret can be debilitating. Perhaps you had an argument with your significant other, friend or family member in which you blew up and said things you regret. Maybe you neglected an important obligation and inconvenienced and really angered the person who had to fill in for you. Or in my experience, maybe your hurt got taken out on someone you care about deeply for no good reason at all. Sometimes, we can make others hurt to make ourselves feel better. Regardless of what it was, you may be experiencing the next day blues. How could I have done that? How could I have said that? These questions will beat your head worse than any punch ever could. So, what do you do now? It’s time to make amends. Don’t let fear or pride take over and let too much time pass. There may be a worry that the person we’ve wronged is upset with us and we’ll have to bear the fury of their response which may make us feel worse. Well, maybe we deserve the response we get. Man up and own it. At least you know you did your part. As I always say, you aren’t perfect and you aren’t who you were yesterday. All you can do is try to learn and continue to grow. Your wrong is simply one action that wasn’t right and not a complete representation of your character. This can help with the shame you are feeling. Remember that you are apologizing for something you did and not your whole existence. It is completely possible to be a great person morally and ethically and still have a lapse of judgment. The moral of the story is that we are all human and we all make mistakes. Stop beating yourself up. Apologize and ask for forgiveness. You may not receive the outcome you want, but doing the right thing can clear your conscience. Some things may be unforgivable but that doesn’t mean that they don’t warrant an apology. Forgive yourself, learn from your mistakes and be the best person you can be today.

~Paul Phillips

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