At age 12 I started HATING LIFE!!!!! It was then I was sexually assaulted over the coarse of about 2 months while visiting my biological father who was divorced from my mom and a recovering alcoholic, So I thought. When I told him what the stable hand was doing, I was told if I told anyone, he would kill my mother, brother and step-father. So I kept this secret 27years. I had my first drink of liquor that summer. I don't remember being drunk BUT I remembered I DIDN'T HAVE TO REMEMBER! I was a blackout drinker from the beginning. When I returned home to my mom and saw everyone they knew something was wrong. My friend/gf knew something was wrong. Her and I had sex after first of the year and at 13yrs old she became pregnant. Oct. 29th our daughter was born and 59hrs later on Oct 31 our daughter passed away from complications to hypoxia. We were completely lost an all I could do is "NOT REMEMBER" My addiction would last another 31 years until at 44 after 9 overdoses and half dozen suicide attempts, I was at the end. I had only 2 choices left in life, LIVE or DIE! After falling to the floor begging if there was a God to please take my life. I was done. I wanted to die. The God of my understanding today, (my personal belief, you choose what you personally need. I don't want to push my personal belief on anyone) did take my life that day. May 25, 2018 I entered a long time treatment facility in Florida where I would remain for 364 days. One day shy of a year. Today a little over 3 1/2 years clean and sober I am grateful I am able to work with others who fight addiction and Mental Health Issues. I get to travel all over the country sharing my Experience, Strength and Hope! Never be ashamed to ask for help. The strongest people known to man are ones who have asked for help at some point. No matter whatever you are going through, there is always HOPE! H-old O-n P-ain E-nds...
WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER,
"I RECOVER LOUDLY SO OTHERS DON'T DIE QUIETLY"
WE CAN ONLY SEE LIGHT WALKING THROUGH THE DARKNESS