Glenn G.
I spent roughly twenty or so years in fire/ems, both volunteer and career. It was a rewarding career as far as personal satisfaction knowing I helped others, but it came at a cost. I came up in the fire/ems service at a time when talking about your feelings after a call was considered weakness. Over time, this internalization builds up, filling our emotional bucket until it can no longer hold any more.
Did I love my career? Of course. Would not have changed my choice of career if given the opportunity. However, the price for it was PTSD, a divorce, a suicide attempt, and countless sleepless nights. The things I saw, I would not wish on any person, ever. The inhumanity that people have towards one another. It all culminated with the terrorist attacks at the Pentagon on 9/11. After that I had nothing left in me and got out of the public safety field. The damage had been done though.
I found myself self medicating with alcohol every night, almost a fifth at one point. I was running around without a care in the world in a reckless manner. I was not in a good place. Until one night, my mind and my body had just had enough. I poured a drink and looked at it. My body said dont do it, and my brain finally agreed and I poured it out. The next day I sought help from professionals. I found a great therapist who walked me through the steps to healing some, and am a work in progress.
Will I ever be 100 percent again? Doubtful. However, I realize that every day is another day to get it right. Another chance. I found a good woman who doesnt judge me, and supports me, and understands my pain. I made peace with my inner demons and learned to live with them while still being a functioning and productive member of society. I still work as a civilian in the public safety world and make it a point to impart my wisdom on the new ones coming into the field.
We are leaps and bounds ahead of the late 80's through earl 2000s. We still have a ways to go, but it is imperative that we stop this needless loss of our good men and women in the Public Safety and Military careers.
