My story is a stomach turner but if it can make even 1 person feel like they aren’t alone then it’s worth telling. The first time I was sexually assaulted I was 12 and it was by a family member, my parents were the type that if they ignored everything (problems included) that it would work itself out, which led me to think that it was the only love I would ever be allowed to have. So after a few very bad relationships I was led to believe I was the problem so I started drinking and almost died a few times and sad but true I really believed that it would’ve been better that way. I had been raped multiple times and damn near killed because “they loved me that much” but after attempting to tell my story I was told to toughen up because no one could’ve survived what I had been through….but I did, didn’t know why at the time but I did, I was a firefighter, detention officer and police dispatcher. I eventually decided it was time for me to stop being a victim and be a survivor, because after one of my rapes, you guessed it, I ended up pregnant and I didn’t know what to do but when I tried to tell my parents….. I was called every name in the book but a white woman, I was on my own and I had no idea what to do but work so that I could provide for my newest addition. I worked non stop until I met my ex husband and classic Jekyll and Hyde, but as long as he left my baby alone I could take it, but then I stopped and asked myself why I continued to put up with the abuse, I wouldn’t want my child to endure a life like mine so why should I let my child think that it’s normal. So I left and wouldn’t ya know it I ended up pregnant again only this time I had a little girl and she was an absolute angel. He convinced me to stay and for a short time I did because I didn’t have the money for babysitting or daycare for two kids because I was the only one working. So I made a plan to put a little money away from every paycheck so I could leave for good. But all of that was shattered when I left abruptly because he LEFT the children inside the house ALONE to take a walk, so of course I took the kids to the doctor to get checked out to make sure they were okay, only to find out he sexually abused my daughter who at the time was 6 MONTHS OLD. I went into a full on rage. So I called my father and told him to get me a jail cell ready because I was on my way to kill my ex husband and I was. It took 4 state troopers and my dad to stop me. That was 11 years ago and my daughter doesn’t even know who he is, my husband now adopted her and is her dad as far as she knows but I tell you all of that to tell you this, without the dark you can’t see the stars. What I went through I wouldn’t wish on anyone but it lead me to where I am today and I’m thankful. I am a wife, a mother and one hell of a fighter. 10 years ago I found out I have endometriosis and after 28 surgeries its still eating away at my insides, last year I shattered my leg and blew out my knee, had 3 surgeries to fix it and yet everyday I wake up thankful to be where I am now because I know it could be worse.