Joshua M.
My story is rather long, but if it helps someone else, here it is. I grew up in a Christian home and church. My mom, dad, and maternal grandmother all l8ve in the same house. There were some great times and not so great times together. I still am a Christian, but like everyone else, I have my trials and doubts. I stayed mostly an "innocent" kid until I went away to Nashville for diesel college. I was six and a half hours of my parents, so I felt it was party time. I drank a lot and went to the strip clubs as much as I could. I even spent nearly five hundred dollars in one night at one club. You can draw your own images from there. I tried dating girls from those clubs and girls from back home, but it didn't work. I met one particular girl from back home online. We hit it off great and dated for a while. I eventually became sick with mono, and I turned out that I got from her. It was a severe case. I tried to get her to come and see me, but she refused even though she was the carrier. She ended up cheating on me while I was sick with a cousin of mine and several of my friends after that. I was heart-broken, angry, bitter, vengeful, and suicidal after that. I eventually went as far as trying to take my own life. That night before I tried to pull the trigger on my rifle, I said my God there has to be something better than this. I cried myself to sleep that night also. I tried dating again off and on after that which eventually led to me and my now wife getting together. It hasn't been all unicorns and rainbows though. She lost her job before we got married. I lost my job a year after we got married. We moved into my parents house for almost a year. We had to work low paying, distant jobs while there. We finally got the offer to move out of state and get back with my company while keeping all original company status and benefits. We both got jobs and rented an apartment. We eventually started having auto issues and neighbor issues. We had to rely on family for help. Eventually we left the apartment and got us a house. Over the next ten years we began to have to overhaul the house with some serious repairs as well as the vehicles we were driving. There again we had to have help from her family and banks. My wife has several health issues, some which required surgery and medications. They are helping her though and she has lost 110 pounds! We both faught the disaster known as Covid which took me out of work for three months and tried to kill me.The other downer is the fact that we don't, and can't have kids. This has been a hard one for both of us, but for me more recently. Surrogates, IVF, and adoption sadly all are ridiculously high in cost. It has brought me to the point of swallowing my pride and seeking help from a therapist. This has been helping me tremendously to put my demons behind me. I've been writing down my thoughts and feelings on my phone and in a journal. Going to numerous metal and rock concerts have helped me vent and release my emotions. Meeting you guys in person at Welcome to Rockville this year was a moving experience as well after following you on Instagram. Knowing and associating with other people that has had similar experiences and being able to talk to them is helping me to try and get past all of my trauma. As long as we have others who are willing to help us, we can overcome our demons and put them behind us with our past.
