Justin
My demons are things that I don’t speak of. They’ve been pushed down into a box so I can move on with life without pain or fear of the cards that I was dealt. Recently they seemed to break out of that box & ransacked my brain. Life on this planet didn’t come easy. Memories of mental, sexual, physical abuse, being abandoned, neglected & disregarded at a very young age all together made me feel as if I didn’t matter to anyone. Having these things happen while being surrounded by family who would tell me that god loved me made me feel even worse. How could god allow so many awful things happen to an innocent child? I always asked, what did or could I have possibly done to deserve this life? Why me? As I got older I decided that I wouldn’t let anyone hurt me ever again. I would be the one to leave before anyone could leave me. This lead to even more problems because I would go on turn hurt people. Not as bad as I was hurt in the past but hurt nevertheless. Love, god, acceptance are all things that I’ve struggled with. Drug & alcohol abuse are also things that I have fought with at a young age. After years of those demons being kept inside that box I realized something. They weren’t in the box, I was. I built these walls to shield me from them. Then I put a lid on those walls so they couldn’t get in. By doing that I learned that with shutting those demons out, I also shut out the opportunity to live, love & be happy. So one day, I took off the roof, knocked down the walls & opened myself up to those things that plagued me for so long. I told myself that those demons wouldn’t get in the way of living a happy life. I told myself that I do deserve love. I do deserve to be seen, heard & understood. Despite how my life started here on earth, I refuse to allow it to be the way I leave this life. Mind over matter. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually strong.
My message to others is this, life isn’t easy (we all know that) but with that pain comes strength. The only time in our lives that is pointless are the times that we learn nothing from. Don’t put yourself or any demon in a box because those boxes will eventually break open. Accept where you’ve been, accept who you are & understand that no matter what anyone says, we ALL deserve love.
After all, if all we ever heard was bad news we would never be miserable.
