Kevin E.

My downward spiral started several years ago when my wife of 30 years divorced me. After getting a new job and renting a home, I had to have my first toe amputation due to diabetes. About a year after recovering from that, I had a second toe on the same foot become infected. The infection spread through my foot and lower leg. I lost another toe and almost lost my leg and life. That was June 3, 2024. I haven't been able to work since then. But, that's not the end of my troubles. The antibiotics I was prescribed to fight the infection after surgery, permanently damaged my kidneys. And for the final blow, hurricane Helene hit our area. Hurricanes don't come this far generally (North Augusta, SC), but this one did! It damaged the house I was renting enough that I couldn't live there anymore. I lived in hotels for a while. All my stuff is in storage. Visiting the storage units is depressing. I currently live with a friend.

I know my surgery on June 3rd has greatly impacted me. As I write this, it has been almost 10 months since I've been at work. My wound is almost healed and I anticipate returning to my job soon. So physically, I'm almost healed. But the emotional impact will continue for a while. I've had to rely on friends and family for support. I haven't had a paycheck in almost a year. My self-confidence, and mainly my self-worth, have taken a major toll. Often times, I've felt like a burden. Some times I wish my surgeon hadn't been as good as he was and let me flatline during surgery. Every moment of every day has become a struggle. I cry all the time. I may have friends/family I really don't have many I can reach out to in the middle of the night when the bad thoughts really get started.

I'm almost 60 years old and my life sucks right now. I feel like I'm continually having to rebuild everything. I've lost friends throughout this. My family is concerned and they only know some of what's going on. They don't know everything. I have other "friends" who I care about, but they only care about me when I can send them money. Like I said, my life sucks. It's a real mess.

Through it all, however, I keep trying to "move forward". I work in healthcare. Of all places, I currently work in behavioral health with people who think about suicide. I know the coping skills. I've used them. There are moments when nothing works and the negative thoughts grow. I've come close a couple times. I never formulated a plan. It has always just been thoughts. But, I always seem to find a way to move forward.

During all this, I started reading a book about leaving your past and focusing on your future. The book brought up more issues and I put it to the side for a bit. I need to continue reading it. I had already been working on moving away from my past. I have started signing off letters/emails with Keep moving forward. Before I found your website, I had that tagline and talked about the negativity as my demons. So, when I found your stuff through Facebook, I had my moment. The Challenge Coins really spoke to me. My plan is to always carry one with me. I bought a couple extras. I want to have an extra one with me to give to someone who is struggling. I know there are so many right now. When I can afford it, I want to get enough to share with my patients when they leave the hospital as a reminder to Keep Moving Forward.