Lanty W. E.

My story begins at at a young age i remember getting beers for my dad and his friends and being allowed to drink what was left in the empty and even able to get a sip of the new one i brought. so at a young age i associated alcohol with acceptance. in my teens i drank socially and remember the alcohol taking away all my shyness and it seemed to heal my awkwardness. i continued drinking through my teens and on into my adult life. even as i served in the army it was nothing to get drunk at night and still be in formation for pt early in the morning. I was a functioning alcoholic after my service years and was able to keep a job but after work was my time to drink myself into oblivion and not even consider how badly i would feel the next day. i was 29 years old the first time i tried meth and an addict was born!!! less than a year after trying it for the first time i was sitting in jail with an A felony and facing 30 years on a manufacturing charge! i was amazed how quickly my life had went down hill and couldnt understand how my addiction had spiraled me down a road of what seemed a road of no return. after a few years of county time and a year or two on home incarceration i failed a drug test and was put back in jail. I stayed in the county jail for close to another year and was sent to prison for the first time. I soon learned the ins and outs of prison life and ended up in a prison gang. After a few years and watching a couple outdates that i should of gotten out on roll past with me still remaining in prison i was finally released back into society. i had said time and time again over the past few years id never use again but that was not within my ability to do. a couple short years later i was back wrapped tightly in the chains of addiction. I was worse than ever i was using and manufacturing meth again and even being warned that the local and state police were after me I was unable to listen to the warnings and after a few months was pulled over and had a meth lab and a pistol on me. So once again i was facing not just one A felony but also a possession of a firearm by a serious violent felon! Gods grace shined on me that time and i started to really start looking at my life and how my decisions had affected it. i was taken to local schools and was allowed to share my story with jr high and high school kids. i made the paper for the first time in my life for something positive. I was able to modify after 3 years and once again was released back into society! i was able to sustain from doing meth this time for quite some time and a year or so after being released i got married and bought my family farm from my mom. life was good i seemed to of been able to leave my demons behind me! I had a very good job and life seemed to be heading in the right direction until my wife and i started to not get along as we had. I was back to drinking but was'nt doing the hard stuff we both had our own issues i will never blame our divorce on just her because i was certainly able to do things to help out our failing marriage but did'nt. so after a nasty divorce i lost my family farm! the day i signed my name off the deed i went straight back to what always numbed me and took my focus off me the meth!!! it was no longer meth it was now called Ice and no one was really making it anymore it was to cheap to buy to warrant taking the chance of manufacturing it. So me being me always looking for an angle started buying it by the quantity and selling it. I was still working at the best job I had ever had with my favorite boss but my work performance was on the downhill decline. Attempt after attempt by my boss to talk some sense into me only fell on deaf ears and after several problems at work i was let go from my job. my boss and i remained friends and he told me if i got straight my job would be waiting for me. the longer i was off work the deeper i got into my addiction and when he and i would talk from time to time i would try to lie to him and tell him i was good but he knew better. It was my boss that introduced me to the demons behind me clothing line. He took his daughter to the larger than life concert in Louisville KY. As he walked around the huge concert venue he came across the booth the Demons behind me guys had set up. he told me he talked to them for a while and ended up buying me one of the gray shop shirts and a hat. he called me a few days later and asked how i was doing and at that time i was enjoying a short lived time in sobriety and he invited me to his house to pick up what he had gotten for me. i absolutely loved the things he had bought for me and had a new favorite shirt until i found myself back into the ever welcoming arms of addiction. i was not able to put the shirt or the hat on with a guilty conscience i had so it sit in my closet. I bought a Harley Davidson dyna superglide and was riding all the time usally riding dirty with meth and a gun on me like a fool. one night the bike was acting up on me the stator was going out and a had someone following me home we came into a small town and they stoped at a store and i told them i was close to where i was going and rode off. as i went through a four way stop i had an officer come out another store and got behind me my tags were expired and i had dope and a gun on me so when he hit his lights and tried to pull me over i ran.. after a police chase involving a lot of police vehicles i wrecked my bike and jumped to my feet and took off running. I didnt make it far and was tased and thats where the chase ended but my new life begin. i was charged but my charges were referred to veterans court because of my time in the military. the first vet court i went to i was high again and as i sit and listened to the other vets stand there and tell the accomplishments they were able to complete i thought i wasnt worthy of the program so after court i told my probation officer i didnt deserve the program and she told me i was . She changed my life that day and we sit in her office and made a call to a rehab center i was at the first one for two weeks and kicked out for fighting. i realized how bad i had screwed up and called another rehab and had it set up to go there the next monday. i arrived at the avenues recovery center that next monday. i was taking my recovery very serious this time and was doing great!!! A lady that worked there came around and said that the county health dept was going to be there that next friday doing free health testing and asked if anyone was interested so i thought hey its free why not!! the following friday the same sweet lady came to pull me out of class for the testing . thats the day i found out i had HIV!!! i would like to be able to say i took that news well but i didnt i knew nothing about the disease except that Jenny from Forrest Gump didnt look sick but she died!! later that day i had to sign a paper sayin if i had sex with anyone and didnt tell them before hand i could be charged with attempted murder!!!! things got real as i scribbled my name on that paper. My mind was racing how could this of happened to me ??? i didnt shoot up and i wasnt gay i didnt understand how i had gotten it and i was certain my life was going to be over soon... one of the women that worked at the recovery center i was at came and talked to me and also downloaded some info on the disease and brought it to me . i was still way to embarrased to read it in front of everyone so it wasnt until 2 am i went into the bathroom with the folder and started reading about the HIV virus. as the tears rolled down my face i begin to cuss god for what i blamed on him for giving me. i cried out" how are you going to do this to me im in here getting straight and this is how your gonna repay me". it was then i heard a voice say" Will" i asked who said that and the voice replyed " you know who it is" . that was the conversation i had waited on my whole life i said " so after 52 years of me asking you to prove you were there or to give me a sign you truly exist your going to do this to me and now you want to talk"????? the voice was quick to reply " I have been trying to talk to you for 52 years this is the first time you have listened"!!! it was during this conversation I realized I didn't have a disease i had a gift he reassured me my date in the lambs book of life hadn't changed and that all my tests and trials i had been through was for my testimony that i was to use to help people struggling that needed to hear it. I have since been to the Doctor and am on medicine for the virus and am now totally undetectable if i were to take an HIV test it would show i don't have it. So it truly is a gift to help people i finished my time at the recovery center i received the news and was presented with a sobriety token and assurance they had a job for me when I had a year sobriety under my belt. i left there and went to another treatment center and added another certificate and 30 more days sobriety and am currently at another place doing a nine month program!!!! the blessings just keep coming to me as i keep doing the next right thing in my recovery!!!! i proudly wear my Demons behind me shirt at least once a week. i just celebrated 3 months sober and feel better than i ever have!!!! i have another Harley and ride daily!!! i also go to the gym because i want the stigma that if you have my gift you are sickly and small. my sponsor is an amature body builder and he and i go to the gym weekly! I for the first time in my life know what my purpose is and i am doing that every time I tell my story!! I look forward to my future and that's quite a statement considering I wanted to die before i received my diagnosis!! thank you for giving me the chance to tell my story on this large of a platform and even if my story doesn't get shared you better believe i will still be wearing my shirt proudly!!! thank you for the chance!!