Ryan

I am doing this because I believe it is way past the point in being ashamed of discussing difficult things, or times of weakness. We all have them, and it's "okay" to talk and disperse the weight on one's shoulders if the need arises.

I turned 39 not too long ago and wish I had fought my demons earlier than I did. Are they behind me? Not all of them, but I am a work in progress and just like the flag I wore at one time on my right shoulder shown to be charging forward, I will too.

I am proud to say that I served in the United States Army as an Infantryman. I would not have always say that, as there were certain things that all but destroyed the moral compass that was instilled in me at a young age. There are many types of injuries one can accrue in situations. Moral Injury is one of those. I will not get into details about the situations, however I will talk about the growth.

It wasn't until a few years after I separated from the military that signs began to show from members of my unit that were less than exemplary. I have lost count of the men (Brothers) that I have lost from overdose and outright suicide.

Ignoring those signs as "they would never happen to me". Two DWI's, Two Rehabs, Two psych wards later, they can absolutely happen to anyone. I can honestly say that for me - when one becomes tired of their own bullshit is when things start to change. Addiction (with alcohol) is one of the most selfish / self-centered things that I have ever done. There is a line from a band I respect called Nothing More, the line in a song goes - "Rehab, Relapse, Repeat, always thinking about the me, me , me". I did not see the fallout that was happening to those who loved me and cared.

I am currently sober for well over a year and that's how I want to stay,, with those "demons behind me". I was under the misconception that being an A type personality, and hard charging "stand alone" was "strong". I couldn't have been more wrong. We do this together, not alone, which is why I'm breaking my silence on my issues in the hopes that someone might think there's a different avenue of approach in leading a good and healthy life.

I am currently attending school to obtain a Masters Degree in Trauma Counseling. This is to better equip myself and to help others. I did not think I would still be alive today from the dark spot I was in a few years ago, but like that flag on my shoulder, I move forward towards the problems not away. That's what we do - close with and destroy the enemy.

Change is possible. Progress is possible. We are all deserving of another chance, and we are all deserving of love. Read that again and as many times as you need to, because it is true.