When my life started, my parents were bikers. My father was abusive to my mom, so She divorced my father. She couldn’t get away from the abusive assholes. Years later when I was 7, her long time boy friend would beat her and me up on my 7th birthday. She ran, it wasn’t far enough. When he found us, he ended up killing my mother in front me and then took his own life.
My moms mom took me in. I ended up living with my grandma and my mothers sister. The family ultimately couldn’t handle the loss of my mother.
Grandpa went to Florida, uncles went to Florida the family broke apart. Grandma, my aunt and myself were left to fend for ourselves. Grandma turned into a drunk, aunt turning into a junkie.
My aunt was the baby of the family. When I came into the house she would resent me for the rest of her days. In her drug alcohol induced episodes, she would abuse me and say the worst of things to me which ultimately forced me to leave the house at the age of 16. When things started to get physical.
When I was 13, my father was murdered. I never knew the guy I only ever met him once at my mothers funeral.
I met my soulmate, when I was 15. We are still together to this day, 31 years later. We have 2 beautiful boys.
In between the age of 16 when I left the house and now. I became a Work monster moving furniture, tree work, machinist. Ended up in the oil field, from being a worm(new guy) to wireline engineer. I engineered for 12 years, which ultimately would end up breaking me.
I literally worked myself to death. Working 5400+ hours a year for 13 years straight.
I was at the end of my rope, planning my suicide three and four times a day. When I decided, I couldn’t do that to my boys and my wife or myself anymore. I found a therapist that specializes in trama therapy, I’ve been doing therpy for 7 month now. I seem to be getting better. Highs, lows, if you know, you know. I suffer from complex ptsd, suicidal depression. It is what it is!
So with all that being said, thank you for the opportunity to share!
I’ve been fighting my demons since I was 7, at the age of 46 I feel like my Demons are behind me!
All the days thinking I can’t fucking do this anymore are fucking gone!
From the great words of David Goggins, ( stay hard mfer!)