MAK

I have dealt with depression for all my life. I was bullied in middle school and carry alot of that torment still. When I try to sleep at night, my brain hates me and I will replay everything bad in my life. At 16, i went to a soccer tournament and came home and my mom was gone. She picked up and moved out and we didnt talk for about 4 years. We have a relationship now but i dont think she loves me like she loves my sister. A few years ago, my boyfriend at the time destroyed me. We were together 7 years and he lied about almost everything. He lied and manipulated me into letting him stay home and pretend to go to school but instead he cheated on me, I am not sure how many times. He drove almost 4 hours to have cheat on me and made up a lie a out where he was going. He lied about wanting kids and marriage, money, going to school, you name it he probably lied about it. I got to the point where i was ready to drive my car off a highway on-ramp. I had to take almost 6 months off of work and stay in an institution. My current relationship is okay but he is an alcoholic so I am always walking on egg shells when he drinks and I can't forget a big fight we had and of course he doesn't remember it. I have been in and out of therapy for years and currently on medication. I keep my mind busy and happy when I get tattoos to cover any scars, give me strength with the artwork I get and coming up with new ideas and attempting to draw them. I play video games to go into another world. I started a comic book collection and it is my life. I love organizing, categorizing, protecting, etc my collection. I love the smell of the old comics and how the paper backs feel in my hands. I got a really good job and gladly work at home almost every night on my projects. It is one of the hardest things I have done but I am working on standing up for myself more. I tey not to let people push me around and use me until I am driven to tears. My therapist and I are working on being assertive and not passive or aggressive and it is very powerful for me, albeit a still work in progress. Having this type of company, gives me joy to have something with such a powerful saying as I keep trying to put the past behind and move forward. One step forward everyday is one less tear shed. Endure and Survive.