10 months ago I was on deaths door step. I was drinking over a half gallon of vodka a day, not working, living off government assistance, life was so unbearable, I couldn't function without alcohol. I slipped into a dark,deep depression, my mind numb to feeling anything real. I lived on the edge everyday, would it be the day , the day that I took the pills, ending the pain, the misery, ending the shame. I took the pills. I walked outside to smoke and collapsed, I thought this is it, this is how it ends. I wake in the critical care unit, tubes down my throat,arms strapped to the rails, I didn't succeed, again the shame falls over me like a weighted blanket,heavy and cold. Days later I wake again breathing on my own. I try to make sense of what is happening, when it hits me. I was meant to live, I was meant to share my struggle, 10 months and 10 days ago, I made a life changing realization, I was meant for something better. As of today I am sober, I have 2 jobs, and everyday I wake up, is a amazing new adventure. Today I choose happiness, I choose life, most importantly I choose kindness.