Alcohol is a funny thing. It affects us all in a different way. For me, it started as a way to relax, to be social, maybe to calm nerves.
It was fun..
A majority of my life was spent toiling away in the business of making music.playing in bands..solo gigs..
Spending a majority of my time in the company of strangers..and alcohol made that an easier task. It boosted your confidence and calmed your nerves.
Playing music wasn’t necessarily a lucrative occupation, so I was also working jobs as needed..but then of course,
You needed the alcohol to “blow off steam”.. to try and forget the bad days, and to celebrate the good ones..
I never noticed that the “fun” was turning into a burden.
There was trouble with relationships, trouble with jobs, trouble with the law, trouble with music. But I never thought I had a problem.
Sunday had become my day to shine, and by shine, I mean, get completely annihilated..because it was fun right?
And one Sunday morning I woke up with that sick feeling of knowing I had done something I owed someone an apology for…I didn’t know what..I didn’t want to know what..I just knew I needed a drink..
I staggered to the liquor cupboard..reached for the ever present bottle of Sunday morning tequila…
And I stopped…
It wasn’t fun..I didn’t want to feel like this…it had to stop, and it had to stop right now. I swore to myself I would never make an idiot of myself drunk again.
And I quit..I dumped the tequila..and I haven’t touched a drop since..
This November, it will be six years sober..
Im not proud of some of my behavior before that day, but I don’t blame alcohol for that behavior. And I don’t think that because I don’t drink, nobody should drink..
But I know…for me…there were demons in the bottom of every bottle.
In the last six years, the changes in my life have been dramatic. I feel better, I look healthier, every single area of my existence has improved dramatically..the black clouds that once followed me around are gone..
I work every single day to make up for all the stupid things I did. To prove that the only thing left of the person I was, is the person I am.
I thank the Universe every day..for the fresh air, for the sunshine, and for the ability to see the beauty of every in everything..because even on the worst days, there is something to be thankful for..
The shame of the next day has been replaced with a sense of pride…and the satisfaction of knowing that we’re not going back there again…
The demons,,,they’re still there. I suppose they’re waiting for me to slip up..but they can keep waiting…I took those bastards head on…and now, they can stay back there where they belong…..
Thank you so much for your clothing..i wear it like a badge of honor…good luck with everything in your future.
Good on Ya…