Jessica K.

It all started when I was 9 yrs old, I lost my father to suicide. It wasn’t until I was in my teens where I really had started to feel the affects of it, I was angry and all the abandonment issues started to come out. I went through many years of therapy. I never got into substance abuse, mainly because I had watched my father deal with those demons. I grew up, became a young mother and just have always gotten by and doing the best for my children, kept moving forward. Recently, I lost the love of my life, my partner, my husband to suicide. He is 49, the most funny, beautiful soul of a man I have ever met. Extremely talented and intelligent, so many accomplishments in his life, and has a daughter. He was suffering, more than he had ever shared with me. I knew he had childhood trauma, as a lot of us do. He was just so good at hiding how it really affected him. I wish that he had known that he was bigger than his demons. He just couldn’t see it. He suffered in silence. I’m realizing now he was so on the surface with me about that deep hurt he felt. He was our protector, he stood strong for everyone, always! He had agreed to seek counseling towards the end, sadly, we didn’t get the chance to go. The pieces that are left behind for us still living is excruciating. I want men to know that little broken boy inside can be healed and it’s ok to accept and to search for help! The stigma around men having to be strong for everyone around them, doesn’t help, when they are no longer here, earthside. Words don’t even describe how much myself, our kids and family miss him. Losing 2 of the most influential and important men in my life, just makes me want to do and be better. I want to honor them both in this fight against suicide! I want to rally up the troops as a wife and a mother for these men!