Every day is a day that I have to try to make sure that I am standing in front of my demons, rarely are they in front of me, but they are almost certainly right next to me.
I have several demons, many I have to try and fight to stay in front of. My parents divorced when I was 3 or 4. My father died from alcohol related issues when I was 6. Alcohol was the reason my mom left him. Fast forward 30 or so years. I'm married, I have a son. He's 3 or 4. My wife is unhappy, having an affair and my drinking is out of control.
It gets to the point that one night in particular I have been drinking for almost 24 hours straight, I had a friend come get me from my house because I didn't trust myself there with my wife. My friend picked me up and drove me to their house.
I woke up some 36 hours later on the floor of a kids play room. Rock bottom smells like old carpet and crayons.
I realized I was living a self fulfilling prophecy, I was becoming my dad. I was probably going to end up divorced first and then the ending would already been written.
I decided to fight for what I wanted. I got help, I worked my ass off to prove to my wife I was serious. My wife was staying with her sister, it was just my son and I when the DTs hit. I told him, "Let's put on our pajamas and watch TV in bed." He was so excited. I remember laying there, shaking, sweating and out of no where, he starts rubbing my back telling me "Everything is going to be okay". I have been sober since. That was in October 2006.
There are other demons that I'm still fighting. My wife and I are still together, even had another child, and we work everyday to make sure our relationship works.
There have been times when I've wanted to just "step off the planet", go for a walk that never ends until eventually I just can't walk anymore and I collapse and die.
But I tell myself all the things I would miss out on if I were to stop now. The story isn't over yet.