Seth D.

I have been down a road of suicidal ideations. I, at one point in time, believed that I was a burden. Not just to me, but to everyone around me. I believed that I was THE problem in my family (my wife, my children, my roommate, and my coworkers). I believed this so whole heartedly, that I sat in the middle of my room with a .45 caliber pistol in my hand. As I was sitting there stewing on all the things I was messing up within mine and others lives, I had the absolute URGE to put the pistol in my mouth and fire a round. At that same moment, not even a second later, something (or someone not of the corporal world) stopped me. I can't explain what it was, I can't even begin to describe it. My hand was in motion to bring the pistol towards my face, but within that one second it would take, something or someone, told me DON'T! Midway through the motion I stopped, I looked at what I was about to do. I lowered the pistol, and walked downstairs to my roommates room and handed him my pistol to him and said "Don't give this back to me until I am ready." His response was "Okay" and left it at that. I didn't seek mental health help for another year to two years, but from that point forward I told myself I would never get that low again. I still have my demons that fight me, but I have never had an urge or started to act upon trying to take myself from this earth since then. I have had ideations of suicide, because my demons might be behind me, but every once in a while they catch up to me. Luckily they aren't anything that I can't continue to put behind me. I am fully open with anyone and everyone about my situation, and what I went through and how I felt in the moments leading up to that night. If my experience can help save just one more person, I will share it at full volume with anyone who needs to hear it.