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Demons Behind Me Safe House | Personal Stories - Raw & Unedited

Bill P.

by James Thelen 09 Nov 2023 0 Comments

I had a great childhood growing up. I had to parental Lottery. My parents were very limited, social drinkers, and no one had an addiction. Upon graduation I had the hide in the woods on the weekends party, couple 40 ounce bottles and friends. I started working on a farm that October the border to golf course so I would always take our gator to the golf course to get the guys a couple six packs more we were working, so yes I would join the fun. I had a son when I was 22 years old and moved out and my neighbors always met out in the driveway after work and had a few beers. I figured I would get to know them and that led to me being out there every night after work having a few beers with them. As time went on I was just a couple beers a night after work kind of guy I never got drunk or disorderly, and I never hung out at bars. I married a girl that I graduated with when I was 35 and it went downhill from there. She started off as being my drinking buddy, but ended up verbally and physically abusing me in front of our children that we had along the way. I started drinking more and hiding it as I was sleeping in the game room every night and alone, so therefore I just isolated. In March 2023 at the beginning of Covid we got separated and I moved out. I was able to work from home due to Covid so I went to my camp because there was an Internet connection and I started drinking more out of boredom. My few beers a day. Turned into waking up with a beer and lead to the path of fireball. So now I was indulging in beer and fireball from the time I woke up until the time I went to bed. My soon to be ex-wife ended up getting breast cancer and was going through treatments and she distance herself and the kids from me and use the excuse of Covid. On August 16 as I was fishing in the morning with my son, I got a phone call to get back to camp immediately… Turned out my mother was facedown on the floor. I had a cardiac arrest and died. I did not mention that I am a CPR instructor so I live with that burden of not being there daily, I never had time to grieve because I had to help my dad with all the arrangements and I was going downhill so fast that I was even hiding fireball airplanes in my pocket at the funeral. I am beyond ashamed for that. Moving along my drinking, continued, and hiding alcohol continued. In December 2021 while Christmas shopping I started throwing up blood again I didn’t tell anyone., it continued through the night and got worse. My fiancé rushed me to the hospital, and I was rushing to emergency surgery for esophagul Varicies, in which all my blood vessels in my throat exploded due to alcohol. After a six hour surgery the doctor came out and told my fiancé if she would’ve gotten me there 10 minutes later, I was dead. During the check ups and appointments from the Esophagul varicies I had a CT scan and they found severe cirrhosis and three tumors on my liver that turned out to be cancer. They tried a radiation procedure while I was on vivitrawl and expressing to them that I was, but they still gave me five doses of fentanyl, trying to get me to sleep, and it never happened after 10 hours on the operating table. And then relapsed during my relapse I got blood work for the transplant and got knocked off the transplant list for drinking. I continue to drink in my family talked me into going to outpatient rehab. I agree to do this, and after a week in two days, coming home from a alumni meeting at the rehab facility I was drinking and laid my Harley down on the way home..

The next day, rather than going to outpatient, I decided to zoom it I sat in my truck, five minutes from the facility with a bottle of fireball and zoom the meeting until my therapist called me out and told me to come down and see her, she knew I was drinking. I went and seen her, sat down with the group and in my truck him during my check in I realized I needed more. I told him I was going to check in. I walked out of my truck, made a few phone calls and walked into inpatient or I stayed for 30 days. Inpatient rehab change my life. My family got involved with all the group involvement they could, and learned all about addiction and the disease. They could not believe how they miss took everything and how they understood and they were my biggest support group. My fiancé and my father visited every chance they were allowed and my fiancé stayed with my dad to help him with anything needed while I was gone… She is my absolute rock, she don’t drink and never really did. This day I am strong and I’m looking forward to my future with my future wife. I’m staying involved in recovery every chance I get because that helps my recovery. I still learn from people who attend AA meetings that I go to and I try to speak anytime I’m giving the opportunity. I’m sure I left a couple things out but I wanted to try to make this a short but yet interesting read for everyone. I hope this touches someone the way sobriety, and rehab has touched me. Best wishes to everyone out there and remember one day at a time.


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