I grew up in a house that didn't give out many hugs and kiss. Belts and and sharp words were much more common.
I've never felt good enough. Not good enough to succeed at life, not good enough to be loved. It led to some poor decisions.
And then, out of the blue clear sky I met her. I was instantly captured by her. I did not know then, or at least refused to see, I had actually married a lie.
After 5 years at trying harder at making it work than I've ever tried at anything she took the kids and left.
I bought a 12 pack of beer, grabbed my pistol and sat on the kitchen floor and waited to have drank enough to be able to pull the trigger. Somehow I made it to morning.
She got half of everything and almost all the time with my kids. It was and still is dark here. But, I'm still here. Fighting for my kids. Fighting the feeling of not being good enough. Fighting to keep the demons behind me.