Vince C.

My name is Vince C. and I'll just jump right into it. October 29, 2018 I woke up wishing for death. Life had become so meaningless and monotonous. I was utterly hopeless and had no purpose left. I was battling demons I really didn't understand myself; depression, anxiety, grief, loss, and PTSD. The overwhelming feeling was loneliness and feeling like I was the only one in the world facing these issues. I was addicted to pain killers from a neck surgery and trying to drink the pain and misery away. Multiple suicide attempts. In and out of the hospital countless times halfheartedly seeking help but never putting any effort into what they offered. Always looking for a quick fix. Finally on that October day I had reached the end and called my brother for one last attempt at reaching out. He suggested going to rehab. In that moment it made sense and I agreed to go to the hospital one more time. Got to the hospital and told the nurse I was either going to die or get help and I really didn't care which one happened that day. They got me in the back asked a lot of questions, took my BAC. I vaguely remember them telling me I had enough alcohol in my system that I should be dead. They had me lay down and that's where my life started changing. I had hit my absolute rock bottom and had given up. I can't say with certainty if I died or not, I just remember being in the deepest darkest black and loneliness like I've never felt before. Remember waking up and the nurse saying "welcome back". In that moment I vowed to myself to go anywhere, do anything I had to to get better. Ended up going to California to rehab and then to an out patient treatment center. I spent the next 10 months going to therapy, 12 step meetings, and doing whatever they suggested to heal and learn how to live a healthy, meaningful life. It hasn't always been easy, but it most definitely has been worth it. One of the biggest things I learned was that I'm not alone in this and recovery is possibly. I've been clean and sober for almost 5 years now. I have a peace of mind that is hard to describe today. I continue to go to 12 step meetings and go into rehab, hospitals, and detoxes to offer hope to those who most desperately need it. I hope, in some small way, that my story will help someone out there feel like there is hope and they can do it too. It is possible!