"You are not here to make others understand you."

“True love is born from understanding.” ~Buddha

I believe that all of us have a desire to be understood. Everyone is different and we all experience life differently and react to it accordingly. As a result, we long to have people recognize the thoughts, feelings, and struggles that underlie our choices. Even more, we hope that they can relate and would do the same thing if they were in our shoes. Maybe if they’d been where we’ve been and seen what we’ve seen, they’d stand right where we are now in the same circumstances with the same beliefs and making the same choices. Wouldn’t this make us feel so validated? We’re not so different after all. We belong and are valued and accepted. Well, as I said before, we are all different, so those feelings don’t always come easily. Some people may see the worst in you. They may see you as selfish and weak. They may even belittle your thoughts and feelings. It hurts to feel like someone doesn’t see where you’re coming from or hear what you have to say. Attempts at justifying your actions with a sense of righteousness can create a great deal of pain. Well, here’s the truth. Things will never be exactly as we think they should be. Different experiences, values, and beliefs make it impossible for everyone to think the same. However, we have to realize that there’s something more empowering than having other people understand us and that is understanding ourselves. Why do we do what we do? Maybe we don’t even know and that is why we are just trying to force other people to. Sometimes we have to dig deep and find our inner pain and struggles. This is what causes our actions whether right or wrong and the wrong ones are what we seem to want others to understand. Maybe the best thing is to agree to disagree. It’s ok to say, “I understand that you don’t understand.” By searching our own selves we may find the reason why we keep making the same mistakes. Forgive yourself for not knowing better at the time. Forgive yourself for past behaviors. Forgive yourself for the survival patterns and traits you picked up while enduring trauma. Forgive yourself. Realize that only those with the same experiences will understand your mistakes. That is our whole message here at Demons Behind Me. You are not alone. By joining us, you join a community that does understand. Take comfort in that but do not become complacent. It may be less painful, but the truth is that there is always work to be done to better yourself. When you choose to be the change, it’s less important that everyone else sees you, values you, gets you and understands your good intentions. Why? The simple answer is because you do. Know that you aren’t perfect but you are always trying to come from a place of love, kindness, and integrity. We all have our demons and they will always haunt us and try and control our behavior. However, once we recognize them, it becomes much easier to see them when they start to interfere with our forward progress. You and only you can block them and only you can find and speak to those who understand and can help with the process!

~ Paul Phillips